@ninjadinosaur1: Oh your boyfriend proposed? Well I just realized my new dress has pockets, so I think it's obvious who's having a better day.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@WhaJoTalkinBout: For a dude who just shot a man in the head, the guy from Bohemian Rhapsody seems quite sanctimonious about getting spit on.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Why can't we feed the animals? Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*
@sixthformpoet: Charlie And The Chocolate Factory is my favourite book about a weird guy who murders four children then convinces another to live with him.
@NurseMurderer: I'm in that fun part of a relationship where everything is new and exciting and we are learning things about each other and I don't poop.