@ValeeGrrl: Oh, you're about to earn your 3rd master's degree? I'm still working on spelling "bananas" without singing "Hollaback Girl" in my head.
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@HatfieldAnne: Him: You were supposed to do something about the groundhog under the deck. Me: I did. I named him Lord Melbourne. He likes Cocoa Puffs.
@Kyle_Lippert: Go to Starbucks. Tell them your name is Dad. Hide in the crowd. Listen as the hipster barista says "Dad?..Dad?..DAD?..DAD?!" & starts crying
@Ygrene: The best natural phenomenon is when a species lovingly accepts an orphan of another species, like how my fries have accepted this onion ring
@TheBoydP: Of course I care about the environment. I spray air freshener every time I leave the restroom don't I?