@ValeeGrrl: Oh, you're about to earn your 3rd master's degree? I'm still working on spelling "bananas" without singing "Hollaback Girl" in my head.
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@stuckinaportal: sexyaardvark69 [username taken] sexywombat69 [username taken] sexyplatypus69 [username taken] sorry this might take a while...
@KentWGraham: If you text your boss that you can’t come in and include the poop emoji, he doesn’t ask any questions.
@XplodingUnicorn: How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.