@GuyEndoreKaiser: Oh you're sick? Let me weirdly list every other person I know who's sick.
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@AimeeHelene1: I vacuumed up a huge spiderweb & then heard a thump in the workout room. The spiders are lifting weights before they attack me aren't they?
@david8hughes: [inventing trees] Angel: what purpose do they serve? God: cats climb em Angel: can they climb back down? God [inventing the fire dept]: nope
@graceful_asfuck: [Burger Lounge] Server: Are you 27? Me: OMG NO I'M 39 THANK U SO MUCH U MADE MY DAY Server: I meant your order number, ma'am.