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@ashgrash: Ok, but like, how married are you?
@lisaxy424: Me: I'd kill for a body like that
Them: well by monitoring your calorie intake and daily exercise you c-
Me: yeah I'd rather kill
@mofrorock: One man's sprinkler is another man's bidet
@BuckyIsotope: All animals are wild animals if you give them tequila and lift up their t-shirts.
@panmidwest: ME: Would you ever get a tattoo?
DAD: I don't even highlight in books
@hell_doe: roses are red, violets are blue
*arnold schwarzenegger voice*
tell me who is your daddy
and what does he do