@superdadatron: Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don't know where I am.
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@LeBearGirdle: Jesus: one of you will betray me tonight *checks phone* Jesus: WHO IN DAD'S NAME UNFOLLOWED ME?!" *judas slyly slips phone back in robe*
@UncleDuke1969: Me: Threesome? Wife: When pigs fly! Do I wish for flying pigs? Pro: Threesome Con: High bacon prices *has idea *starts building catapult
@VictorscarletJ: 70 yr old boss: i have the body of a fit 30 yr old. Me: where? Buried in your rose garden?
@ArfMeasures: [court] ME: Between 10 & 11 p.m. I was having sex JUDGE: Who are you? You're not even in this trial M: I know, I just want it on record