@superdadatron: Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don't know where I am.
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@electrolemon: "It's Adam and Eve, not Adamant Eve!" Despite his clever wordplay, Eve stands her ground. " I'm not doing butt stuff, Adam."
@murrman5: I sniffed my work shirt to see if it was too dirty. Unfortunately I work at a chloroform factory and woke up 6 hours late for my shift
@jonmsutton: Sometimes I regret teaching my children an evidence-based approach to life #FathersDay
@Heldinchains: The older you get the less people you can actually tolerate. I can tolerate about 5 people right now, 3 are my children and even that's iffy