@DanMentos: ok guys the gofundme I set up to hire a hitman to kill me is already at 3x its goal you can stop contributing
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@ericsshadow: My fashion sense has been described as "They probably won't let you in like that" and "Are those your pajamas?"
@IAmKatieOrr: I hope my childhood BFF forgot that silly pact we made at five to kill each other if we hadn't become ponies by 2015. She was really dark.
@NikiWithIssues: I don't see the point of being a godmother if the kid refuses to kiss my ring. I mean, what the hell?
@Jake_Vig: Police Officer: "Turn around!" Me: *sings* "Every every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round..."