@murrman5: ok, now say it again so my wife hears
"you're too big for this ride, sir"
@rodney_at_large: If the final comments of your speech last 45 minutes, please don't preface them with "and lastly".
@TheTweetOfGod: Jesus was the original child star who fell in with the wrong crowd and died young.
@Overdue_Bills: She was like "wrong hole", so I said "adventurous on the e-harmony profile isn't knitting quilts Velma", long story short I'm still single.
@iDontWannaBeYhu: Money doesn't buy happiness? Well it buys a jet ski. Have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski? It's impossible to be sad on a jet ski.
@RandiLawson: Any restaurant can be family style if the waiter criticizes your order