@murrman5: ok, now say it again so my wife hears
"you're too big for this ride, sir"
@sixthformpoet: It’s so awkward when a bird arrives back at its nest and the worms in its mouth realise that wasn’t just a free aerial tour of the city.
@TylerLinkin: Marries a mime. Lives quietly ever after.
@DanDoofus: Hangovers only happen to people who stop drinking.
@Where__wolf: "Want me to help you with that tux?"
"Ok, suit yourself"
@mattgallo123: Febreeze works just like in the commercials, only instead of being impressed, mom comes home and says "it still smells like pot in here."