@murrman5: ok, now say it again so my wife hears
"you're too big for this ride, sir"
@FreshLee_Baked: Not all heroes wear capes
@NicCageMatch: Trying to take the best instagram picture ever but the kittens keep drowning in the latte.
@BrattyBarbie: I don't care how old you are, the only safe way to guarantee the monster under the bed doesn't grab you is to use the run and jump method.
@WhatevaConc: No Brett, I didn't even read that email. I'm not speaking to you because I overheard your Starbucks order this morning.
@LeBearGirdle: Guy at door: How would you like to make a donation to our local orphanage?
Dad: yea sure [yells up to me] son, you live with this guy now!