@mydanimarie: Ok parents who refer to their kids by age... I can play too. "22 always wants BJs before class. 39 just wants pictures for his golf buddies"
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@SteveSuckington: Me: Hello darkness my old friend Darkness: please stop calling me that. My name is Susan
@TheAlexP: Married men aren't allowed to go the grocery store alone because we're the kid in the shopping cart, but with money
@itsa_talia: we're going to have a president named jeb. president jeb.
@Cryborg2000: [calling my cousin while babysitting his kids] yo the one with the ski mask and the knife is refusing to go to bed
@TwoSapphiresBlu: My mating call in winter is just me shaving my legs.
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