@mydanimarie: Ok parents who refer to their kids by age... I can play too. "22 always wants BJs before class. 39 just wants pictures for his golf buddies"
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@KateWhineHall: How come I have to do all this work and you do nothing all day? - my 8yo while doing one chore
@SortaBad: If I hear someone crying I immediately cry louder to establish myself as the dominant sad person in the room
@dorkwing_duck: [PRESS CONFERENCE] Me: I'm going on the record. Yes, I'd go back in time to kill a baby Reporter: you mean Baby Hitler? Me: sure, whoever
@Dawn_M_: I wrote "except zombies" on my welcome mat so I know I'll be safe during a zombie apocalypse.
@thejessbess: DATING TIP: OFFER THEM WATER. PUT 2 STRAWS IN. ROMANTIC WATER.
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