@AlisWay: ok so when a guy marries four women does he wear four rings or just ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL?
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@ShittyComedian: My drug of choice is laughter....and cocaine. Mostly cocaine. Sometimes angel dust. Molly is cool too. RT if you love Jesus.
@FuckabillyRex: "Sorry, I have to take this call." "That's a banana. And it's half eaten." *covers banana with hand "I don't tell you how to do business."
@michaelianblack: Our family's annual tradition, as I put up the tree, everybody gathers around to watch my wife tell me I'm stringing the lights wrong.
@WillMckenzieNot: At a restaurant: "Would you like a table?" "No, not at all. I came here to eat on the floor. Carpet for 5 please."