@mollymcnearney: Okay body wash, unless you're caffeinated and drinkable, you can cool it with the "energizing" claims. You're soap.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Fred_Delicious: [Girlfriend looks at me in disgust] "Did u just propose using emojis?" ... "Technically its called a propoji, but yes" [She's already gone]
@Home_Halfway: I forgot the name for a beaver the other day so I referred to them as "architect squirrels."
@iwearaonesie: Me*taps wife's shoulder*Whatcha doin? wife:Meditating me*still tapping*Why? wife: It helps me relax me*still tapping* Is it working? wife:No