@thedayofthedot: okay, i admit it. you're wrong.
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@praisecheese: This fall on Fox: X-Files Babies. Baby Skully and Baby Mulder meet at a petting zoo when they both get knocked over by the same goat.
@parkersJoking: [at Dr. appointment] Dr.: yeah looks like you have too much acid in your diet. Me: JESUS CHRIST DOC YOUR FACE IS MELTING
@Dadsbustednuts: I caught my employee sleeping on my office couch today. I didn't know if I should fire him, or tell him what I did on it last night.