@carlyken: Okay kids don't ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger's houses except on the day we worship the devil.
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@dubstep4dads: Me: sorry I rode a giraffe to your grandmas funeral Friend: what? that's not a giraffe Me: sorry I'm on drugs at your grandmas funeral
@causticbob: Why is it the only thing a woman wants out of a man these days is security? Well it's the first thing they say when I approach them.
@librarianfonz: Google won't replace librarians. The internet is like giving someone a fire hose when all they asked for was a glass of water.
@GrantTanaka: ok kids, this is a smoke detector, if you hear it beeping change the battery, if it's still beeping, check to see if ur on fire