@Lhlodder: Okay, kids, listen closely cause I'm only gonna say this 257,000 more times.
@Tmoney68: Just saw a bird walking down the side of the road & yelled out my window, "YOU CAN FLY, YOU STUPID BIRD," because I am a mature adult.
@noog: *opens facebook messenger*
*sips mtn dew twice*
Sorry abt ur mom dying
Tis a shame
Btw ur attractive
@vineyille: "Food expiration dates are lies. It's all about control." My knife breaks as I cut into a plate of milk. "I'm saving this for later."
@ndiquote: Plot Twist
Nigerian Prince won the Powerball jackpot and he's emailing everyone now.
@FatherofTweet: Guy stole my bike so I got in a cab & said follow that guy! He said sure, whats his twitter name? We laughed & hi-fived & I need a new bike.