@Kirangandhi: 911 - wats ur emergency? - i got stuck in some magnets 911 - who are u? - Iron man

@FatherWithTwins: Wife: I'm going to wine down Me: You mean wind down Wife: No

@Mr_Kapowski: My 8 y/o memorized my 12 character password that has upper and lowercase letters, numbers and symbols but can't remember to flush the toilet

@aveuaskew: People fear what they don't understand: Change Death 4th grade math word problems

@WineMummy: The scene from The Exorcist where she's tied to the bed cursing like a sailor, but it's me when getting a Brazilian.