@retardedwriter: Old age is nothing but a computer with 1000 GB of memory running on a celeron processor
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@ericsshadow: FBI: If you testify you'll have to go into the Witness Protection Program ME: I'll do it FBI: Your wife and kids too ME: Never mind
@AndrewNadeau0: PRIEST: 1st the groom’s vows. ME: *Unfolds notes* I’m only doing this for the cake. PRIEST: That’s not really- HER: That’s what I wrote too.
@Reverend_Scott: [first date at restaurant] ME: so, do you like dogs? HER: I'm more of a- ME: CHECK PLEASE