@retardedwriter: Old age is nothing but a computer with 1000 GB of memory running on a celeron processor
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@JohnLyonTweets: So the waiter said "The plate is hot" and I said "I'll be the judge of that, haha." Anyhoo, I met a lot of nice people at the burn center.
@_GoldieLox: STOP PUTTING SIRENS IN MUSIC FOR PETE'S SAKE! I let my hair down & undid two buttons before i realized i wasn't getting pulled over!
@SamuelHLowe: - If you insinuate that I'm fat again, I'm leaving you! - Don't be selfish, think about the baby. - What baby? - Oh, so you're not pregnant?
@: Ikea meatballs pulled from shelves because they contain horse meat. Man, that's the last time I buy meatballs at a furniture store.