@retardedwriter: Old age is nothing but a computer with 1000 GB of memory running on a celeron processor
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@ohpeetie: [ during job interview ] - "Why do you think you would make a good asset to our team?" - "I give up, why?"
@jimmytorosian: [Writing Silence of the Lambs] Anyone have an idea for the cannibal's name? Jim: Hannibal? Anyone? Jim: Hannibal Anyone other than Jim?
@InternetHippo: COP: The killer wrote a message on the victim's mirror ME: You can't prove it was me COP: It was written in Dorito dust ME: I want a lawyer
@OhNoSheTwitnt: My coworker has inspirational quotes up in her cubicle and one of them says "choose your destiny" so I guess she plays Mortal Kombat too.