@weinerdog4life: Old cordless phones, for when you really need to be on the phone, but also need to sword fight the cat.
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@ilovepie84: I broke into your house and slept under your bed all night to protect you from the perverts out there.
@markydoodoo: [at dog park] ME: it's ok, she's friendly. THEM: is, is that a crab? ME: yep. She's a purebred. Her name is Clawdrey Hepburn. She's 2.
@TheMichaelRock: You can now take small knives with you on planes, but my 4oz bottle of mouth wash is dangerous. Got it!