@weinerdog4life: Old cordless phones, for when you really need to be on the phone, but also need to sword fight the cat.
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@WilliamAder: By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
@MrPhetz: Why did my ex gf Fav my tweet where I announced that I got laid off. Why did you do that sharon
@13spencer: Relationship advice: Find someone who likes (or dislikes) the same amount of air-conditioning as you, and stick with them.
@markleggett: A man who calls himself "Dog the Bounty Hunter" is currently hunting down a man named "War Machine". We all live inside a comic book now.