@ipalatsky: Old superstition:
When wife laughs at your jokes:
It means you have guests in the house.
@HeyZeus666: I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem.
I threw my scale out.
@thedailymarker: My husband and I play this game where we buy potato chips the other one doesn't like so we don't have to share.
@Rollinintheseat: Donald Trump always looks like he's trying to apply lip gloss in a rear view mirror.
@thejamietighe: Coworker: What book you reading there?
Me: 'How To Kidnap A Coworker'
Me: Not you, Karen. A pretty one.
@BuckyIsotope: The basketball shot clock was invented in 1954 after a player hid the ball under his shirt for 48 minutes and told everyone he was pregnant.