@ipalatsky: Old superstition:
When wife laughs at your jokes:
It means you have guests in the house.
@shariv67: If movies have taught me anything, it's that the insurance for fruit vendor carts must be astronomical.
@jjhartinger: [second date]
*gets up and leaves
HIPSTER: I fell off my acoustic motorcycle & broke my mustache twirler.
H: I fell off my bike & broke my hand.
D: Rub kale on it.
@SwanieChicken: Twitter: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk dial the world?