@ipalatsky: Old superstition:
When wife laughs at your jokes:
It means you have guests in the house.
@themiltron: Oh, you’re a ceiling fan? Name three ceilings.
@pakalupapito: Alarm Clock:
a device that wakes up almost everyone in the house
except for the person who had set it.
@Cheeseboy22: My son found a SEVEN leaf clover on the neighbor's back porch! I don't have the heart to tell him that it's really a marijuana leaf.
@leontymccarthy: I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
@GoldenSpirals: Confuse the cable guy when he finally shows up at your house by telling him he'll have to wait outside until your favorite TV show is over.