@vikkaroni: OMG, GODZILLA IS COMING TO ATTACK NEW ENGLAND AND WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE-oh, he said huge blizzard, not lizard... Carry on then.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@thenoahkinsey: I peeled off the sticker that said "Don't consume alcohol while on medication." I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.
@SondraDeeMe: My Medical Emergency Contact is a girl from college who promised she'd pluck any stray hairs off my face if I slipped into a coma.
@ilovepie84: The Tin Man carries around an axe because he is constantly afraid Ironman is going to hit on his wife.
@captainkalvis: CUSTOMER: id like buy a turtle, please ME: ok CUSTOMER: and make it quick ME: *grabbing him by the collar* DO I LOOK LIKE GOD TO YOU