@lazerdoov: OMG I BOUGHT A MASK AND A GUN AND NOW EVERYTHING IS FREE
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@Cpin42: Umm..I don’t want to be “that inmate,” but could you tell the chef that this needs more salt.
@imagine_vegas: Still haven't cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different
@GrabTheWEness: *posts Social Security number on social media* *hopes someone steals his identity and pays off his mortgage*
@Momtoteens: Daughter comes home with shirt inside out. Me: Why is your shirt on wrong? Daughter: I think you old people call it: "second base"