@SunniWestbrook: OMG. I saw Leonardo da Vinci trending and thought he died.
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@joss: Mean people tell me "you've got a face only a mother could love" but the joke's on them because she didn't
@SteveSuckington: [approaches parent with child on a leash] "Mind if I pet your dog?" Hey that's my son! "Oh my bad. Mind if I pet your son?"
@KateQFunny: Just got off 30 min phone call w a friend who has twin 2 yr olds, & even tho i havent had sex in a week I'm taking a morning after pill NOW.
@therealeatwood: CAPT. AMERICA: Merry Christmas, Hulk! Happy Hanukkah, The Thing! Er… what religion are you, Thor? THOR: Do you understand I’m an actual god