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@shkeeber: Omg, I'm a huge fan!
@michaeljhudson: I flip off the rollercoaster camera, then buy a mug with the picture on it, ride it again, flip off the camera again while sipping my mug
@IamEnidColeslaw: making it rain (CHEETOS) in the club (my bedroom)
@BatBatshitcrazy: I've reached a fork in the road, thank heavens it was laying right next to a pan of lasagna.
@deardilettante: [ brings ouija board to your grave ]
"Okay, now will you tell me why her number was in your phone?"
@jergarl: *goes to bank
Me: Hi, I need a loan.
Banker: How much and what for?
Me: Seventy three thousand. I'm making guacamole for the super bowl.