@LurkAtHomeMom: OMG I'M SO OLD AND OUT OF TOUCH WITH POP MUSIC WHAT SONG DOES BREXIT SING
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@Token_Geezer: Job interview: - Good morning - Good morning - Have you got a twitter account? - Yes - Ok, thanks for your time. We'll get back to you
@DaveTheAlbino: There's absolutely no way Lady Gaga was born with half an Office Depot hot-glued to her head.
@ArfMeasures: ME: The mugger...he called himself "Antman" SKETCH ARTIST: *puts a dot on a piece of paper* ME [shaking] omg that's him!
@joeljeffrey: My girlfriend said she bought the lingerie for me, but then got upset when I put it on... I dont get women.