@jharrison9292: OMG! It's colder than a pimps heart out here!
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@pumpkin_horse: *lays down on memory foam mattress* mattress: remember that time you pooped your pants in 3rd grade? me: I regret buying you
@JordanPeele: I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.
@CerebralWreck: Wife [interrogating]: How long have we been married dear? Me: How dare you try and sneak maths into this.
@Pierre__4: The only thing we have to fear is fear itselfnnANDnnWhen a women asks if you notice anything different