@Michael1979: OMG, just found my childhood diary! I was an adorable and strangely prescient little boy.
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@sbellelauren: whenever i trip a skinny girl running in only a sports bra i feel like i'm doing god's work
@Hobo_Splendido: Did it hurt when YOU fell from heaven? If so, contact the law offices of Leon Molowitz, and get the monetary compensation you deserve!
@0point5twins: Anyone got a 10 year old daughter I could introduce as mine? Stuck in an elaborate lie after putting my music on shuffle at a party.
@catstronomical: Me:Come in. It's not like I'm a serial killer. Him:*laughs nervously* Me: *laughing* u have to murder more than 2 ppl for it to be serial