@Michael1979: OMG, just found my childhood diary! I was an adorable and strangely prescient little boy.
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@causticbob: My boss is coming to my grandad's funeral tomorrow. He said, after his 3 previous funerals he personally wants to see him go in the ground
@DirtMcTurd: Ex (trying to make me jealous): I'm going to a party, everyone's drinking, laughing, and having fun! Me: that'll all stop once you show up
@sarcasticmommy4: My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere.