@Michael1979: OMG, just found my childhood diary! I was an adorable and strangely prescient little boy.
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@lilgapeach30: Guys say "never trust something that bleeds seven days and doesn't die" as if something with two heads powered by one brain is trustworthy.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: If I got arrested I'd ask for one tweet instead of a phone call because none of my friends answer their goddamn phones.