@aecide: Omg someone broke into my professor's house & stole his laptop so my class today has been cancelled. I gotta find this person & thank him.
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@zgbetty: The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
@Gowitty: Evening News is where they begin with 'Good Evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
@Fred_Delicious: [g/friends dad] "who in your opinion is the greatest football player of all time?" Me - [say a real name say a real name] "Football Man"