@ktmcburr: "Omg there's a picture of him blowing smoke out of his mouth. I must bang him this instant"- no one, ever.
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@FattMernandez: My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.
@ceejoyner: Anything guitarists say while leaning back to back during a solo is protected by law like confession or attorney client privilege.
@ltsKermit: mom: who’s your background? me: my boyfriend mom: can i meet him? me: not before i do mom: what? me: what?
@okayestgoalie76: Me: "Siri, find me the nearest Starbucks" Siri: "the addiction hotline is..." Me: "no, I said...." Siri: "Oh, I heard you!"