@ktmcburr: "Omg there's a picture of him blowing smoke out of his mouth. I must bang him this instant"- no one, ever.
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@SteveSuckington: How dare you call me naive! I'd sue you for slander if I hadn't sent all my money to that Nigerian prince.
@PhilLaysheO: If a cougar left her teeth next to my bed in a glass of water was that a tip? Do I have to change the water? Do I feed them like goldfish?
@abbycohenwl: [chameleon conference] Boss: Is... everyone here? *crickets* Boss: I know Keith is. He brought the yummy crickets. Thx Keith: You're welcome
@Mr_Kapowski: New Coworker: So do you have any kids? Me: Yeah, one too many New Coworker: Haha, oh yeah? How many do you have? Me: One