@WakeVII: OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Emperor_Laykes: One advantage of being a woman is no one can surprise you with a kid years later and tell you you're the mom.
@tastefactory: PATIENT: Someone gave me pills at a party and my stomach hurts DR: We took x-rays. You have spongy dinosaurs expanding inside you right now
@truegritrumble: ME: I'm going to start a blog. FRIEND: Ugh. Blogs are so narcissistic. I just talked about that on my podcast.