@jakob_huber: On a bad dinner date? Bump the table with your knee to make the water in your glass ripple. Claim a T-Rex is coming. Sprint out the door.
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@U_Want_Shum_M8: *wins oscar I'd like to thank my legs,for always supporting me;my arms,who are always by my side& also my fingers,I can always count on them
@AnkCoupleTO: [job interview] Panel: We're looking for someone with intensity, focus, passion and drive Me: *adjusting volume on Ipod* sorry what?
@Pork_Chop_Hair: Getting older means having to put a daily stop to the romance between my left and right eyebrows before they become One.
@shutupmikeginn: You gotta give it up to whoever invented mistletoe at Christmas, all they did was hang up a weed, but were like, "now ye must kiss me."