@MouthOfSass: Life tip: If you're curious if you've gotten fat, have a kid draw your picture.

@CelebrityChez: There's no law that says you can't make a tiny swimming pool in your belly button for a gummy bear pool party.

@KevinFarzad: College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.

@joeljeffrey: My first workout back at the gym was great... I did 15 mins of cardio, 10 mins on the defibrillator, and then 3 days in the hospital.

@RexHuppke: I went into Whole Foods tonight and yelled, "Somebody's Labradoodle just jumped out of a parked Subaru!" and everyone ran out.