@patrickmarkryan: On a positive note, once Trump becomes president and burns the world to the ground, our student loan debt is essentially wiped clean
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@HatfieldAnne: Protestants sing every verse to every hymn. Catholics know this. We think about it when we get to the bakery 20 minutes ahead of you.
@sarcasm_inc: [interview after losing a fight] "What happened out there?" I dont kn-OMG WHAT IS THAT *interviewer doesnt look* Ugh didnt work on u either
@AndrewNadeau0: IDEAL UBER DRIVER: -Clean car -Doesn’t talk to me during drive -Plays good music -When he drops me off tells me he’s my father who left when I was 4 & has secretly followed my life and has always been proud of me