@patrickmarkryan: On a positive note, once Trump becomes president and burns the world to the ground, our student loan debt is essentially wiped clean
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@AmericanGent69: Me having sex is like bungee jumping. It's either amazing, or someone gets seriously injured. There is no in between.
@Book_Krazy: *In the elevator* Guy: Good morning ladies. You two going down? Me: No. We're just friends Guy: ....
@rad_milk: i always get gatorade and gasoline confused. my car is real good at sports and im dead
@hippieswordfish: ANIMAL CONTROL: what the hell were you thinking ME: releasing birds at a wedding is romantic ANIMAL CONTROL: you released ostriches