@Swishergirl24: On a scale of 1 to 10, how married are you?
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@Go2Slp: "Oh, beautiful. Just perfect. I wonder if I'll be able to control myself... aaaand they're gone." - Me with Thin Mints, and women.
@jeffswarens: By the volume of the pans clanging in the kitchen. I think I'm supposed to go volunteer to help with something
@iAmDelFreaky: This is embarrassing. I tunneled through my wall to escape work and ended up in my boss's office. He's watching me tweet this. I'm fired.
@dubstep4dads: [i wake up confused] KIDNAPPER: youll never guess where we are! ME: [observing floor tile pattern] this is a Dennys bathroom KIDNAPPER: shit