@Swishergirl24: On a scale of 1 to 10, how married are you?
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@mattytalks: Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5'9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
@Gooooats: By this time of year baby Jesus was probably already totally sick of playing with his frankincense.
@IamEveryDayPpl: Prius and Smart Car owners in my neighborhood got together and banned leaf blowers for safety reasons...
@dshack8: "I really have no idea how to pronounce my name but I won't admit it." Guys named Geoff.