@Bandersnaaatch: On autopsy, instead of pumping my stomach to determine what I've eaten in the past 24 hours, a coroner need only look down my cleavage.
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@SaltyCorpse: I took my 16 year old's phone away for a week and I'm 100% sure I'm very sorry about what she did.
@Home_Halfway: ME: Are you sure you're my Uber driver GIANT HAWK CARRYING ME AWAY: *various hawk noises*
@HatfieldAnne: (starts to scramble eggs) “THESE YOLKS WON'T BREAK! THIS IS TAKING FOREVER!” (.0008 seconds later) “Oh, ok.”