@Bandersnaaatch: On autopsy, instead of pumping my stomach to determine what I've eaten in the past 24 hours, a coroner need only look down my cleavage.
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@FattMernandez: Katy Perry is such an inspiration to all those young girls out there who want to grow up and ride giant golden tigers.
@MartaEffing: I shouldn't. Ambien: YES. You should. But I'm naked. A: EXACTLY. Ok, fine. *stands up* I HAVE A REASON THESE TWO SHOULD NOT BE WED!
@TheAlexNevil: "If you love the bed so much why don't you marry it?" *imagines beautiful ceremony on the beach, me & Beddy. No one can stop our love now.
@OutOnTheMoors: Friend celebrated her birthday today by falling off an elephant in Thailand, if you thought I'm the weird one in my circle.