@OneFunnyMummy: On bad days I like to take a pregnancy test to remind myself that things could be much worse.
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@WickedCynic: Autocorrect changed "meeting" to "mating" and now my boss and I aren't meeting with Bob after work.
@MattMcGruff: Officer- I'm giving you a ticket for your speed Me- That's heroin Officer-... Me- Want some? Officer-... Me- Oooh, shiny handcuffs
@bobvulfov: Why did the thumbs-up become the universal symbol for approval? "hey let me show u my weirdest finger because i'm down with what ur saying"
@moose_chocolate: "So you spend 6 bucks on a beverage that has no booze in it on purpose?" -me to everyone at Starbucks.