@treywafer: On behalf of black people, I'd like to apologize for Nicki Minaj
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@PhoenixRises69: Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn't 'funny' and is technically 'wasting' police time :(
@KalvinMacleod: SCIENTIST: it's both man and machine ME: what's it called? S: I call it a cyborg M: I would have went with manchine S: *crushes test tube*
@Brianhopecomedy: Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
@AllyBallyBeal: Guy across the road can't get his truck started. Now he's rolled up his sleeves. That's how you start trucks. By rolling up your sleeves.