@TylerLinkin: On date night my wife took me to a place where you make your own pottery. I made an urn.
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@Sassafrantz: My boss at Walmart said I have to stop Febreezing the homeless and that they aren't homeless, they're customers.
@DomesticGoddss: I have been successfully sitting in chairs for over 40 years without falling off--a skill I apparently didn't pass on to my boys.
@liv_thatsme: I'm having a green screen installed behind my couch, because, you know, I don't ever feel like going out, but I wanna look like I do stuff.