@TylerLinkin: On date night my wife took me to a place where you make your own pottery. I made an urn.
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@causticbob: A boy asks his mom, "Why am I black and you're white?" She says, "Don't even go there. The way that party went, you're lucky you don't bark"
@WhiskeyandMeds: It's all fun and games until HR sends an email with "Your Twitter Account" in the subject line.
@SteveKoehler22: When I hear the word "aftermath" - it always makes me hungry. At school, lunch period followed Math class, so we ate "aftermath"
@Ygrene: [filing for legal name change] Judge: and what’s the reason for the request? Me: I was owned pretty badly on line Judge: *removes glasses and squints* oh my god are you the guy that thought bears were fat dogs