@BlondAmbitionTO: On dates, if a man says the past tense of "see" as "I seen" instead of "I saw," I go to the bathroom and climb out the window.
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@SteveSuckington: [at adoption agency] "Why do you think you'd be a good fit for adoption?" *cut to a baby mowing my lawn* "I just love kids"
@BroIsMeeeee: Ladies call me the mitochondria because they kinda remember me from high school and i'm in a cell
@KLC47: @KrangTNelson @funTweeters I am not a millennial, I am straight out the the 70's and I make up new words to suite myself. Like you don't get a spoonful of mashed potatoes you get a thwack of mashed potatoes because that is the sound it makes when they hit your plate thwack.