@omgthatspunny: This is so cornknee

@KyleMcDowell86: Im sorry I yelled "GARY LIKED STAR WARS EPISODE ONE" when the pastor asked if anyone knew of a reason why you and Gary shouldn't be married

@FunnerGunner: My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said, "I wanna watch."

@chelliet22: I heard a noise downstairs, so naturally I came down to investigate in my towel, post-shower. Exactly. I'M the idiot in a slasher film.

@TheMichaelRock: We'd probably have a lot less crime if superheroes would stop making movies all the time.