@TheTobbie: On Facebook, someone posted that they have 90 days of pregnancy left. The 1st commenter said 'when are you due?' This is why we are here...
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@AGreaterMonster: My mom sent me a two paragraph email to inform me that she had called customer service and received $17 off her flight to see me.
@Roflindian: By iPhone 30, you'll have a choice. Whether to buy an iPhone or an island in the Caribbean.
@TheToddWilliams: [boss's office] BOSS: Do you like my fire place? ME: Actually, it's one word: "fireplace" BOSS: You're fired ME: Oh, I get it now