@mjohnny3: On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
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@Try2StopME: Husband: "Lost my keys again." Wife: "It's in your Jeans." Husband: "Come on, Why do you have to Drag my family into this!"
@Dutch_50: I take a prop microphone wherever I go. If a reporter sticks a mic in my face during a tragedy, I can pull out my own and return the favor.
@TheTweetOfGod: Heaven is like arriving at Disneyland. Hell is like still being at Disneyland three weeks later.