@MortifiedMama: On Mondays I like to reply to all my bosses emails with 'unsubscribe'
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@MakesYouGiggle: Interviewer: Why did you apply for this job? Me: Because being broke and homeless didn't really call out to me.
@trevso_electric: Jennifer Aniston is always cast in the same role because she's a victim of Rachel profiling.
@KeetPotato: poet: knick knack.. paddy whack.. me: this guy is awful my dog: i know right poet: ..give the dog a bone my dog: actually lets hear him out