@RealCarrotFacts: On predisents day we honor the big US man himself: Aberham Liclon. Tall, skinny, dry, and cruncy - he was america's carrot
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@Tmoney68: Saw a police officer dressed as a pilot today & thought it was weird. Then I realized he must be one of those "plane clothes cops."
@jonnysun: first rule of fight club is no fightig. welcom to contradicton club evryone hav a seat adn dont hav a seat. also this isnt contradicton club
@tastefactory: DOCTOR: Here's some medicine, for your well-being. GUY WHO HAS SOMEONE CAPTIVE IN HIS WELL: *thinking* How does he know about the Well Being
@MindyFurano: Flipped over my therapist's writing pad and it was just a New York Times crossword with "shut up" written in every blank.