@krisv_723: On Sunday's I Iike to dress as Satan & stand outside of churches, yelling at the parishioners that it's not working & I own their soul.
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@phxguy88: The new Samsung phone shares every picture you take with all your friends as soon as you take it. Good idea. What could possibly go wrong?
@OfficialMizGin: Vegetarian: *lists 100 reasons why I shouldn’t eat meat* Me: Counterpoint: bacon.
@TheWoodenslurpy: [at stadium with child] Me: That is batball. [at the races] Me: That is horse circles. [at the opera] Me: This is horned yodeling.
@Spaziotwat: There are eleven types of people in the world: those that understand Roman numerals, and those that don't