@david8hughes: On the 5th day, god was hungover & didn't feel up to much so he created worms, shoelaces & spaghetti, then punched out just after 1pm.
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@iscoff: [Guy on the Death Star who's really sick of hearing Vader's breathing but is too scared to say anything]: I'm going to put on some music
@dreadnaught69: *at a restaurant* Don't be awkward, don't be awkward Waitress: how's the food? Me: yes
@TheDreamGhoul: "you're breaking up with me, here? and now?!" "it's just not working out" *both continue pedaling tandem bicycle in silence*
@MikeBigby: Idiom update: "the pot calling the kettle black" is now "the guy from Aerosmith accusing a dude of looking like a lady"