@david8hughes: On the 5th day, god was hungover & didn't feel up to much so he created worms, shoelaces & spaghetti, then punched out just after 1pm.
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@ericsshadow: I wear the same 2 Halloween costumes every year. I start off as a "ghost" and end up as a "drunk ghost that needs a ride home."
@PaperWash: me: [gets on one knee] GF: [gasps] me: [reaches into pocket] GF: OMG me: [pulls phone out] don't move there's a Pokemon on your foot