@WheelTod: "This isn't working out," I insist to my girlfriend as we glide effortlessly downhill on her tandem bicycle.
@LuvPug: You can't tell me what to do, you're not my dog
@XplodingUnicorn: [out to eat with in-laws]
Me: Waiter, your cheapest bottle of champagne
Wife: Hey these are my parents
Me: Waiter, 4 glasses of tap water
@shawnspree: You know she loves you when you wakeup in a pool of ice in the motel room bathtub with only one kidney removed.
@Bad_Ass_Trucker: Me: Did you hear that?
Her: Go check it out
Me: Are You Crazy? They always kill the good looking people first
Her: You'll be alright
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