@brideylee: On the list of things I fear the most, "death" comes in as a close second to "audience participation"
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@shariv67: When dogs suddenly stop licking themselves and stare into the distance, they're thinking, "Shit. Did I leave the iron on?"
@peachesanscream: What if your dog speaks French and this whole time has been asking you for some beef?
@PaulyPeligroso: Guys, if a girl just wants to "be friends," then borrow $100 from her and never pay her back. Like a "friend" would.