@iwearaonesie: "Hello from the outsiiiiide. I must have called a thousand tiiiiimes"
- me, drunk, leaving my wife another voicemail because I'm locked out
@SequelsWeWant: Pet Cemetery 3:
People get tired of resurrecting pets and relatives.
Somebody buries dinosaur bones.
Jurassic Park ensues.
@biorhythmist: Walked into a spider web and did an hour of tai chi in five seconds.
@Dank_Pal: Hi everyone, welcome to Motorboat Club. Let's get started on some sailing basics.
*Man in back row throws brochure on ground and storms out*
@PinkLipschitz: Had a dream that someone was gently rubbing my forehead with sandpaper. Woke up to find my cat gently rubbing my forehead with sandpaper.
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