@TheRolo: In California, there's just "pot" at the end of the rainbow.

@TitansHomer: Failed biology because apparently the answer to "what is commonly found in cells?" Isn't "Blacks and Mexicans"

@Abusitron: [leaving 5 minute voicemail] ...and you can reach me at [deep breath] *says phone number as fast as possible, slurring the numbers together*

@preritpathak: *At a clothing store* Worker: Do you need any help sir? Me: *Mixes "No, I'm good" & "No, I'm just looking"* Me:"No, I'm just good looking"

@MarieColette: I don't watch wedding shows and get excited about getting married but I do watch Dateline and get excited about being murdered.