@bourgeoisalien: On the one hand, I want to exercise and take care of myself. On the other hand, it's just more years of living on a planet full of morons.
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@AmnesiaRose: My alarm is set to the sound of a heart monitor's flatline so I startle awake every morning and think, "whew. Close call."
@vineyille: I place my finger on the police officer's lips. "Shhh. Look, we were both speeding, ok? I forgive you."