@bourgeoisalien: On the one hand, I want to exercise and take care of myself. On the other hand, it's just more years of living on a planet full of morons.
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@SortaBad: Judge: Ms Spears, how do you plea? "I'm not. that. innocent." *frustrated defense counsel tosses like 9000 papers in the air*
@KenJennings: Dance like no one is threatening to call the police if you don't take your boombox and leave the Christian Science Reading Room immediately.
@Deirdreocx: If you're ovulating and have sex standing up... Is it called a standing ovulation? Asking for a friend
@Kyle_Lippert: I'm having one of those days where I feel like the single soggy onion ring that somehow made it into an order of french fries.