@awildhope: On the phone to the chinese food place & my cat's all chatty... I cover the receiver and hiss "Shhh, you want them to hear you?"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DirtMcTurd: Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my girl's hair. Its a nice way to let her know I love her and also that were out of napkins
@BeamishBoi: *throws goods on conveyor belt* Cashier: is that all sir? Me:"Nope. You got change for a trophy?"
@FilthyRichmond: If you're not supposed to abuse cough syrup then why does it come with a little plastic shot glass?
@laabruzzi: *bumpes into my ex on the street *dials a number Hello, Satan? Dude I thought we had an agreement?!