@hazelmotes1: On the Titanic 0 people died from alcohol poisoning and 1,500 people died from drinking too much water. You decide which is more dangerous.
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@T_Bonezzz_: Cop: Know why I pulled u over? Me: Know why I pulled u over C: Stop that M: Stop that C: Wanna go to jail? M: Wanna go to jail? C: No.. errr
@AristotlesNZ: Me: My friend really likes you. Her: I'm a lesbian. Me: Ah ok... Her: ... Me: ... Her: ... Me: So... What part of Lesbia are you from?
@Mr_Kapowski: If you wear a cape to a meal, you can spin it around to the front and have a full sized bib for eating
@Six_Pack_Mom: Husband: "You should try going to bed earlier." Me: "You should take the 3yo to work with you." Him: "I'd get nothing done." Me: "EXACTLY."