@bobsaget: On the toilet for 20 minutes. Wish you were here.
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@sirmunchie: JUST ONCE MORE! PLEEEEEEASE? I PROMISE THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME! LET ME DO IT AND I'LL NEVER ASK AGAIN! -Liam Neeson pitching "Taken 3"
@AbrasiveGhost: [Opens a beer at the park] "Dude. There's kids here." Oh shit how rude of me. [turns] IF YOU KIDS WANT SOME BEERS THEYRE IN THE COOLER
@IncrediblyRich: After six years of being responsible, I finally went and lost my phone last night. I'm currently using Twitter from the web. LIKE A CAVEMAN.